Anybody have any dirt on Tom Cruise?

It's me! (not the Asian chick, the pasty one to the back left.) God I look so pasty- Tom is making me look bad with his fake bake! What you can't see is that I'm clutching Tom from behind- we're on a first name basis after all. He's very close to me because I'm actually pulling him in like a lech. I mean he is cute.
Nicole Kidman's a real class act. Because if I were her, OUT Magazine would be doing a big expose on Tom Cruise, despite the questionable validity of the rumors. I would gather every detail of poor conduct and questionable sanity, and there'd be a dent on Oprah's couch where my ass would be telling Tom Cruise fans everywhere. OK, so that's a bit harsh. But really let's examine how awful this is. Nicole Kidman wants a natural child, we all know this. For whatever reason this doesn't happen during the course of her marriage. There is a miscarriage, reports of sterility, nobody really knows the story. A few days shy of their 10th anniversary, soon after he writes her some romantic poem, he announces he's leaving the marriage. She is devastated, and continues to mourn the relationship like a normal person. He rubs out any signs of emotional attachment and starts dating another starlet. And she gets to read about it anytime she passes by a newstand or turns on the television. By the time he plucks the 16 year younger Holmes from her engagement to that cute actor Chris Klein, the public notices that he has gone full out, mad Scientologist-crazy. He still acts larger than life. He is ranting at Matt Lauer on TV, saying negative things about Brooke Shields, denouncing an entire medical field, which incidently is the same field that his former father in law of 10 years devotes his life to, and still expects people to think he's this great guy? Now he's going to be a dad? How can Nicole Kidman stand it? I can't stand it. And you know why? Because my ex is a watered down version of the same thing. And he still has power over me. Tom Cruise gets to act like a crazy person and be rewarded for it with a life beyond anyone's wildest dreams? Maybe my ex can too. Uuuugh!
So, come on anybody. Does anybody have the scoop on Tom Cruise? What's really going on there? You can tell us.

I've come to think of my ex much like the Wizard of Oz. Remember the frontman? The strong and powerful looming grumpy hologram who claimed to grant wishes?
Much like Oz, who, from what I can recall doled out, among other things, a blackmarketed diploma for a scarecrow and an empty promise for Dorothy, the ex was FULL of unfulfilled promises and bizzare substitutes for caring and commitment. He'd always described himself as generous; and everyone from his doorman to his friend's wife would attest to what a prince he was. But everything he gave was EASY for him to give, in other words he displayed a kind of "generosity of convenience."

He SAID he wanted to take me somewhere exotic and adventurous. We ended up going on two island vacations together, dutch, that I planned and he tried to worm out of.

He told some friends of mine 'not to worry about the bill' for dinner, and when they didn't, he complained they didn't make a counter offer to pay.

He went window shopping for Christmas presents for my whole family, and then got nothing- including for me. (Me to him: huge lavish stocking.)

My favorite: bought me very nice Tiffany earrings and one of a kind jewelry- when he broke up w/me out of the blue, sent me all my stuff from his apt. except for the jewelry, which I never saw again.

Chinese Food. Remember in my Big, Fat Greek Wedding where the father thought every ailment could be cured with Windex? The answer to restablishing balance in any crisis was ordering take out chinese food. I am ashamed to say that that I perpetuated this feeble attempt by jumping up and down and licking my chops . When he refused to let me meet his ex wife, there was kung pao chicken. When he renegged on holidays and I was left alone in the city, there was fried rice to the rescue. When he changed his mind about moving in together and decided not to give me a key to his new apartment, I got to order my OWN egg roll.

I mean, I do really like Chinese food. How could I confuse the Chinese food cure with emotional depth, fortitude, and steadfastness? Just gullible, I guess.

I was so eager to believe in the wizard, all knowing, powerful and benevolent. But remember when Toto pulled the curtain back? The wizard was no wizard a whiz he was. He was just a little con man. I think what happened is I started to pull the curtain back, and he bolted. Sadly, I know I would have settled for the small, deceitful, version of him as well.