Tuesday, June 27, 2006

10 Biggest Lies About Where the Boys Are

I don't like any of my married friends so I am trying to get Ms.DunThat married off--preferably to someone who doesn't irritate me or my over-sensitive spouse.
I have tried looking for dudes for her in all the 'hot spots' mentioned in the dating articles and can tell you right now, that stuff is total bunk.

1. Adult education classes.
I took an adult ed class(3 of them in fact) to help us on some of the book projects we are working on. There are no single men under the age of seventy in adult education classes. They were filled with retired women. The one guy there wrote a story about riding past a funeral home and noticing that the woman being buried was someone he had known in high school. He then wrote an essay about it for class, wherein he was kind enough to mention that the last time he saw this woman she was 17, standing in a window with her shirt slightly open and jiggling here breasts. So, unless you are in the market for a senior citizen pervert, adult ed is out!

2. Weddings.
I went to a wedding last Saturday. Weddings are full of single women, small children, old people, and single men way past their expiration date. I sat next to one of the few single men there. He bragged about the fact that now that he was working for Roto-Rooter he could get all the parking tickets he wanted--he just added them onto the bill of the customer. The only other cute single guy there was 75. So, again, unless you are in the market for a senior citizen or are interested in riding around town in a Roto Rooter van, getting parking tickets, weddings are NOT the place to be.

3. Church. Old people, married people, and babies.

4. Grocery Store. Old people, babies, and mothers.

5. Bookstore. Ditto.

6. Fun classes like the trapeze class we took. Single women, teenage girls, and one dude with his girlfriend.

7. Networking functions. Lots of single chicks. No dudes.

8. Work. Oh, please.

9. Shopping. Only metrosexuals shop. I married one of those. Trust me, you don't want a guy who takes longer to get ready in the morning than you do.

10. Online dating. Weirdos, Wackos, and Weenies are far as I can tell....

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