Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Meet Ms. DunThat and Mrs. BeenThere, with their first case commitmentphobes

Just call us Mrs. Been There and Ms. Done That. Together we have spent the better part of our twenties and early thirties in the Relationship/Self-Help aisle at various bookstores, desperate to unlock the secret of curing male commitmentphobia.

After all of our years of intensive study at Barnes and Noble U., we are both aware of how, in theory anyway, woman are supposed to behave in a relationship. Women are supposed to state what they want without shame or fear and if the the man in question doesn't share the same vision, conclude 'He's just not that into me' and move on without regret, confident that the man of her dreams is lurking right around the corner.

Yeah, whatever.

If you are anything like us, you have a hard time parting with anything you are attached to, no matter how hideous, outdated, or dysfunctional it is. And this includes your boyfriend.

We are firmly convinced that the same gene that keeps a woman from getting rid of a pink faux alligator bag she got on sale six years ago at Ann Taylor (and has never worn) is the same gene that prevents her from getting rid of the guy she started dating the year she bought the bag (even though he hasn't proposed or invited her to move in or even given her a key to his apartment.) She worries that if she tosses either of them she will one day see them hanging off the arm of some other chick, they will look really good, and she'll regret it for the rest of her life.

For any of you that asked asked yourself the following question:

"I'm in a relationship...so why do I still feel single?"

Mrs. BeenThere and Ms. DunThat feel your pain. Best friends for 25 years, they realize that laughter and support among friends is the most valuable resource available to a gal whose lovelife has gone seriously wrong. Get advice from Mrs. BeenThere and Ms. DunThat,
find book and film recommendations, musings on celebrity relationships and survival tips, as well as links to other sites where you can relate and commiserate with similar women going through the same ongoing drama.

It took Mrs. BeenThere seven full years to get her commitmentphobic boyfriend down the aisle.
At one point his commitmentphobia was so extreme, he actually took a job in another country, without telling her! A sane woman would probably have taken that as a sign that the relationship was not meant to be. Not her! She kept at it, refusing to see the ‘writing on the wall.
As for Mrs. DunThat, sadly, her 'man who won't commit' is now 'man who didn't commit and has since vanished.' Her road to recovery is also journaled in our blog.

There are many other women out there like us, who are tearing there hair out, rather than take the practical suggestion to “wash that man right out of her hair.”
If you have the sinking feeling that your ailing relationship should be taken off life support, but you simply cannot bear to sign the ‘do not resuscitate’ order, this site will make that ‘in-between’ time a little bit easier to bear.

1 comment:

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