Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Last Monday my ex-Boyfriend pretended he didn't know me and the next night I had to work as a bathroom attendant.

Yes, this is true. As you know, my ex left me in the dust just a little over a year ago after 5.5 years. What you may not know is that I also left a teaching career to write and walk dogs. I also had to pick up some cater-waiter jobs. So here's how it went down: I was entering a restaurant to get a piece of lemon meringe pie. I was in my dog walking uniform, which that day was old droopy beige cords (with a tomato sauce stain on back of leg), scuffed sneakers, and weird sweater with pompom drawstring. Most importantly, I had on no make up and my hair was tied up and windblown; the top of the hairdo looked like a shark fin. That's what I was reminded of when I looked in the mirror after. Anyway so I enter the first door, there is a little hallway between the first and second door, with a glass panel to my left, through which sits one table where both diners are approx. 3 feet away from me. As I'm opening the second door I glance at that table and see my ex BF sitting with his ex wife. (They were seperated when we met.) He looked up at me too, we locked eyes for a moment, and then he returned to the conversation he was having with her without missing a beat. I guess the coward didn't have it in him to acknowledge me after spending 5+ years with me, after all she didn't know who I was. I don't even think she really knew I existed, as I realized later he was hedging his bets and dividing his emotions between the two of us our whole time together. Watching them was like watching a mental picture I had created that now moved on it's own accord. It was just sheer post traumatic pain.

Then I went to the corner store and bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked them. I have not heard from him and I guess after this, I never will. And if I do, I will be an idiot for talking to him. Then, at 11:30 at night, I got a call from a catering co. that wanted me to work for them as a bathroom attndant the next day. Yipee! I hadn't really worked for them yet, so I had to take the job to insure they would call me again.
The sad thing is, that when I saw him, I still wanted him. After 14 months. Oh God, I hope I don't get famous and he reads those words. I guess I can replace that part about wanting him with, 'He looked like an orange troll, I don't know what it was I saw in him in the first place.' My friend Sally told me if you're relationship (or breakup) with a guy seems like a Lifetime movie, it's probably not healthy for you. So I must listen to her.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

No you must not listen to her. Listen to yourself. Take advice as a bunch of possibilities that can happen if you do this or that but never do anything unless it comes from you otherwise you will be dealing with consequences that you didnt completely earn and who the heck wants that. I know it hurts but if he didnt acknowledge you then its possible that there was nothing there on his side of the fence. Maybe he got scared and felt it was much better to stop any possible greeting by ignoring you, maybe the ex wife was something he didnt want you to have anything to do with. Its uncomfortable running into your ex. Im a guy and when I bumped into my ex girlfriend who dumped me about 5 years ago...seeing her again brought up a lot of old feelings but the biggest one was embarrasement...this woman dumped me...how could I ever show her my face again without feeling really small? She was really really nice wanted to stay in touch,made a comment about how I looked great, even bought me a drink....long story short I gave her a fake number and got the hell out of there. The point is...live your life....I wont lie to you some part of you will always hurt over it but in time you will be able to willingly access it should you choose to (thats how it feels for me)..its like those victims who return to the scene of a crime...its just a part of you..you dont have to let it go but you have to keep moving and try not to be bitter. Our experiences inevitably come to mark us and make us who we are...try your best to be happy with yourself and look for the good side of things.If you feel mad or sad..take a few minutes each day and feel those things, heck take a day....but get back out there...do not stop your life because a part of it does. Hope this helps...its only advice remember think about what makes you happy and does not cause you to mar your self worth.

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Anonymous said...

Oops posted this in the wrong one. :
I'm pretty sure he was cheating on her with you. Separated but not divorced is code for 'i don't want to leave her but I want more on the side.' Especially since your never met her or she didn't know of you. Were u two living together? Sometimes they can live with you but spend their weekends with the wife while she buys that he's working out of town. I hope he wasn't but big possibility that you were the mistress. Then again maybe the ex was divorcing him and he didn't want to move on but used you until she came back and he left you in the dust. Either that or he just really got over you and didn't want to ruin whatever he was trying to work out with his wife. Hope you're better by now though. You didn't deserve that. He could have at least nodded to you.