Monday, July 24, 2006

Oprah and Gayle

So, Gail says that if Oprah was a man she would have married her. HAH! Shame on her. Gail knows (just as I know you all know) if Oprah was a man he would never talk with her on the phone four times in one day. At least not after they had been having sex for awhile.

Ladies, please do not fall for that "my husband/boyfriend is my best friend" garbaage. Husbands and boyfriends are NOT, under any circumstances, to EVER be considered your best friend for the following reasons:

1. If your hubby is your best friend, when he runs off with some hottie and breaks your heart, whose couch are you going to sit on, bawling your eyes out and smoking cigarettes? His?? I think not. His new 'best friend' is sitting on that couch now & I don't think she wants you ashing your Newport lights on her carpet.

2. When your hubby or boyfriend acts like a butt-head, who exactly are you going to call and explain/analyze his idiot like behavior with? Him? I'm sure he will be oh-so sympathetic.

3. When your husband/boyfriend's mother/brother/sister/best friend does something completely annoying and he takes their side who do you get to bitch to? Him? Not gonna happen.

4. How much fun do you think your man would have discussing whether McDreamy or Dr. Burke is the hottest doctor on Grey's anatomy?

5. It is no fun to borrow their clothes.

6. If he dumps you, who is going to set you up with cute guys? Help you edit your profile on Laugh hysterically at all the losers on the online dating sites? Not him! Your 'best friend' will be too busy trying to post his own damn profile.

7. If your husband or boyfriend is your best friend they are of no use whatsoever in helping you analyze/understand why you have such rotten taste in men.

8. He can't go into that big huge open fitting room they have at Loehmanns & tell you if your ass looks as fat as you think it does in low rider white terrycloth Juicy sweat pants. You would have to go outside the fitting room and show him (and the rest of the store) thus increasing your humiliation factor by 100 percent.

9. Best friends should not have back hair, read the sports page while sitting on the john, or be capable of 'hocking a loogie'

10. Jen Aniston, Halle Berry, Hillary Swank, and Uma Thurman all said those dreaded words "he's my best friend" and we all know how those relationships turned out...

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