Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Britney vs. Angelina

Adoption guru, man-stealer, UN Goodwill Ambassador--and now Identity Theif. It seems that Angie not only nabbed Jen's man, but she grabbed her starring role in the film "A Mighty Pearl" based on the life and times of Daniel Pearl, a Wall Street Journal Reporter who was killed. So, the lowdown is Plan B bought the movie and Jennifer Aniston was set to star, Brad and Jen busted up, and Angie decided SHE wanted to play Daniel Pearl's grieving widow in the movie.

All the gossip rags report on this, and what I find really annoying is that they all seem to agree that Angelina is a better fit for the role since she "looks more like Mariane Pearl" than Aniston does.

Everyone seems to be overlooking that fact that Marianne Pearl is BLACK!! Hello???!!! She doesn't look anything like Jolie or Aniston!! I don't get it! It seems like Jolie can get away with murder.

Meanwhile, the press is eating Britney Spears alive. I mean, what is so different about what they did? I mean, let's look at the stats:

Adultry: Ok, they both are "homewreckers". But if you ask me, Shar Jackson should be thanking Britney. I mean, at least Shar doesn't have to bear the horrible shame of being married to the man responsible for setting musical history back about 1,000 years with the release of the "PapaZao" single. Meanwhile, Jolie's wandering eye lands her the cover of People Magazine and the title "most beautiful person inside and out"

Endangering the Life of a Child: Paprazzi catches Brad wheeling around the Namibian dessert popping wheelies with Maddox (sans helmet) on the back of his dirt bike. All he gets is a "be more careful Brad" slap on the wrist from US Weekly. Meanwhile,Britney is raked over the coals for running away from paprazzi that are stalking her with her kid in her lap while she was driving. Both are boneheads to be sure. But, just becuase Brit wasn't tucked away in a 3rd world country 'saving souls' and, instead, was speeding down the highway,blasting "Sweet Home Alabama" on her cd player and slugging Mountain Dew, everyone hates her.

Poor Fashion sense: Angelina turned her body into a 5 ft 9 in. billboard professing her love for the OTHER guy she stole, Billy Bob. It looks like she got a bunch of them removed and now her body has a lot of blurry black ink spots on it. I'm sure that looks very attractive when combined with stretch marks. During a Dateline interview Anne Curry has no comment, other than to remark how beautiful Jolie is. Meanwhile Britney, suffering an admittedly terrible case of what Ms. DunThat calls "reverse anorexia" whereby you see yorself as being much thinner than you actually are, squeezes her 6 month pregnant body into one of Jessica Simpson's leftover outfits from the Dukes of Hazzard movie. Matt Lauer proceeds to call her 'White Trash" on national television. Nice.

Poor Acting Skills. Crossroads--no good. Life or Something Like It--even worse.

Failed Marriages: Brit--A 24 hour marriage and quickie divorce. Angie--vials of blood, disgusting public make-out sessions with Billy Bob--who, I'd like to point out, basically looks like a 65 year old Kevin Federline, matching 'his and hers' wifebeaters on the red carpet...you decide.

So, until Brit buys the rights to "The Rosa Parks Story" and decides to cast herself in the starring role, I'm rooting for Team Britney!!

1 comment:

Shavonne said...

LOL! This post is so incredibly wrong but so true. That Marianne chick is not black by the way.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks Brit did Shar a favor. I've been saying that for a while.

I don't get people's fascination with Angelina. She might be beautiful but she's still a homewrecker! And she's a baby mama! So she doesn't any respect from me.