Where the Boys Are (Not)

I am officially starting a new cyber column here at HeWontCommit. In my search for a shiny new boyfriend-or, who am I kidding- used and scuffed is fair game as well, I have hit upon a new strategy, namely to go out places, rather than sit at home. Feel free to write in any suggestions in the comments section, especially our friend in Fairfield, who has faithfully checked for updates. The goal is to prove Mrs. BeenThere wrong, and score some hot dates. If you're not counting along with me, we are at 2 dates in a year and a half. That is what I would officially call a slump. So, I will make an attempt to drag myself out. Not without complaint, mind you.

My first step is to finally get that internet profile/photo up on Nerve.com, although I have a still few reservations. I was initially excited, as I learned that Nerve personals are linked with some other personals sites, like the Onion and New York magazine. Then one of my clients informed me that Nerve is more of a sex and erotica publication and that an overwhelming majority of members are looking for hook ups and short term relationships. That sucks. Why would a woman go through the trouble of uploading her information to get a hook up? Last I knew, all it took was a push-up bra and a trip to the nearest Irish bar.
So I'm not looking forward to it. The last thing I need is to go all the way downtown to eat a free salad so some guy can put his hand down my pants.
Not that I'm a prude, mind you, it's just that after I've been with someone for 5 years, sex and the related acoutrements have taken on a new prerequisite: intimacy. The thought of a random, probing tongue is unappealing, comical even.

OK, Maybe I have become a prude. I feel like I have been re-virginalized. Perhaps my hymen has grown back, even. And this second time around, I just don't feel like sharing bodily fluids with anyone that doesn't pass the smell test. So I'm willing to try online dating, but sorry, no action on the first date. As my Grammy Harriet said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Or maybe it was "Don't be a slut."

In the mean time, I can rely on fantasy boyfriends until I meet that special someone. I can always watch Richard Gere in 'Unfaithful' one more time, or get all worked up watching Gray's Anatomy where I can't choose between Dr. Burke, McDreamy, and the sexy jerky guy. Any other readers here try Nerve?